Bossing around the bush

We have a General Manager in our office. He is one of the many in our myriad of levels. They have matrix reportees, and have a matrix reporting structure themselves. It means, he will get to screw people from a variety of departments and in turn is mauled, torn, ripped and raped by Senior General Managers, Managing Directors, CEO’s and Chairmen. It is a pitiable plight for these people neither at the top, nor at the bottom. The guy in the bottom is always safe. He will be subjected to all of the above things, but at a smaller scale.

The junior people in the organization are ‘groomed’ to be plundered, bled and raped in a larger scale. This is called the fast tracking of someone’s career. There is not a single boss I haven’t felt sorry for, for the humiliations he goes through to be successful, to be a progressive go getter, to become a leader of an organization. It looks ridiculous.

There are bosses, and then there are bosses. Every boss is different, and unique.

I had a boss, my first boss, who was an expert in undressing you. He would get a great pleasure to see stand there quivering, covering your vitals for virtual fear of castration. One would always want to take him out with one super blow, because he would always be looking to fell you. I thought I felled him with one nice left uppercut when I resigned from the company and gave my exit interview, but he has come to my company now! So you never punch your boss, even when you are leaving the organization.

Then I had a boss who was slippery as an eel. No one could grab him, and squeeze him. Reneging on commitments, double crossing almost everybody, soft spoken and suave. You would want to murder him, but he will talk you out of it. His bosses would scratch their heads on his logic, but they know something is wrong deep down. They would have the “let me get my hands on you” looks about them. But he was in no way an arrogant person. But he too had a big ego, to make things look to others the way he sees it.

Then I had a boss who was very different from the above. He was gentle, always neutral, unprejudiced, and a perfect gentleman, every bit very selfish. He never took anyone’s side other than his own. It would be a wonder when he would be getting promoted, when all of us who made the performance would get content with ‘better luck next year’. Then we all got together and decided that – OUR BOSS NEVER WILL HARM US, BUT HE NEVER DOES ANYTHING UPLIFTING EITHER. Don’t do good, and don’t do bad. It is a sickening thing to be there with a boss who would be ignoring you for the good you did and also for the bad you did.

Then I have a boss here who talks so much that he trips over with laughter. He tries to be funny, and very often manages to move us to laughter. But he is very bad at subordinating work. He would expect you to pick up things as you go. He would say Vinod is responsible for a, b and c. Amit is responsible for b, c and d. Jayant for a, b and d. So no one knows what he is getting to. Someone would like a, b, c or d, and would get it done. Someone like me who is a bad team player, is doing something like equity trading, and reading google news.

Then I have another boss here, who I don’t know how he became a boss. In meetings, or presentations, he would be the best listener, encouraging you with his wide, wonder filled eyes. Then he would ask the question that is most diagonally opposite to what is being communicated. He is a funny guy. You have to send him a mail, and call him up and tell him that something has been mailed to him. He would be cloistered in his cabin all day, then he would jump out of cabin and would be staring over your shoulder asking the most trivial thing like have you sent me a mail. He never uses his desk phone or intercom. He has become a subject of study for me here in Pune. I would like to narrate something that happened in the canteen with him.

Today, a friend and I were chatting in the canteen, and having some snacks. So Mr. Kutty, I would call him that from now on, walks in, and joins us. I introduced my friend to him. His name is Ramesh; he has joined us just last week. He is from a company called Eicher, my ex employer.

So he asked Ramesh, “So Ramesh how long you were with Eicher?”

Ramesh replies, “Two and a half years, sir.”

Kutty rejoins with enthusiasm, “Who was your boss is Eicher? I have many friends in your ex company. You know, VRVS was a very good friend of mine.”

Ramesh was filled with awe to this Kutty who seemed to know every person in Eicher Motors and especially the charismatic Country Marketing Head of the company.

Ramesh replies, “Mr. Lakshmipathy, sir. He is a GM there.”

Kutty’s eyes lit up with a widespread recognition. It seemed even to me that he would know this Mr. Lakshmipathy.

Kutty becomes serious now. “Let me recollect.” He seriously is trying to plumb into the depths of his memory. “I knew someone by the name of Lakshmipathy.”

Kutty remained silent for a few moments.

“I remember now. His full name is Lakshmipathy Balaji. I do recollect that I have spoken to him once.”

Ramesh, my friend started smiling in a derogatory way, poking me with his glances and pointing to Kutty as if he had made a big mistake worth heckling.

“Lakshmipathy Balaji is a cricketer sir. My ex boss was Mr. T. Lakshmipathy sir, and he has never played cricket in his life.”

I caught the joke now, and started laughing and Kutty, the true sport that he is, started laughing too. Then he abruptly nodded his head, in a very matter of fact manner and disappeared into his cabin. For us it was the turning point of the day. Then things started moving fast, and we were telling to this joke to the PD guys, who told it to the MES guys, who told it to the VI guys, who told it to the Engine guys, so on and so forth.

Bosses are like this. They try to pull smart things through. I haven’t met one boss who tries to prove you wrong every time. Whether he is wrong or right in his opinion, he would get pleasure by proving you wrong. He thinks people accept his opinion because he is more intelligent. People always accept it because he is the boss. They don’t point out his errors ever so often. They expect a boss to know his own limitations. Such a one is respected.

In my organization, a structural change was happening, and senior people who were in the field were rounded up and herded off to an assessment center. It was conducted by a third party agency. The results were rumored to be a negative for almost all the senior people in the organization. They were pulled up during feedback, harshly reminded to lead well, and then sent off with their commissions. Their negative scores or lack of competencies translated to reprimands, and pointed reactionary feedback was deemed enough for them to take up higher responsibility.

A boss who is not a good leader will always goof up with his juniors. They will not respect a person who is their leader, but is not leadership adapted. Leadership adapted means someone who moves into a leadership role, will have to adapt to many things like developing people, training, motivating, etc. Our leaders are never trained to lead. They are trained to boss around, and they do just that.

No company has a leadership policy manual. But every company will have an admin manual, HR manual, compensation manual. No company tells its leaders how to behave. The best the leaders can do is moderate their natural instincts. A very aggressive bulldog can be trained to be a pet. But it is better at being snappy than the good sheep dog.

Leaders have to be trained behaviorally. We have programs that tell the qualities of a leader. But no one tells how these qualities come about in a person.

It is said that assertiveness is a pre requisite for being a good leader. Every leader knows that. But some one who doesn’t know how to assert himself will just finely or roughly ignore suggestions, and term them as stupidity. He will stop receiving suggestions for fear of offending him.

It is said that a leader has to take responsibility. People understand things differently. Some leaders will try to do all the things themselves, in the process choking their juniors’ creativity, professional rigor and self esteem.

It is said that a good leader must be able to advocate his views. People misunderstand their steam rolling into advocacy.

Whatever trainings I have attended on the above subjects don’t even remotely refer to behaviors and attitudes. They focus on matrices ‘copywrited/patented’ and on role plays. Half the time people end up trying to show that they are good leaders even before the whole thing started.

Trainers have to depend on all these ‘tools’ because there are no demonstrable examples of leadership styles. If they are, I don’t know where they are. They can be found in biographies and auto biographies, where people hire writers to write good about them, or are vain enough to write good about themselves all by themselves.

The thing is this: People don’t know how to behave socially.