I have loved three women till now and in love with the fourth, my fiancé. I still love the other three, and there are times when my heart lingers around them, fond memories and sweet fragrances. I have never hated them, I don’t want bad things to happen to them, and I want them to be happy.
There are instances when life feels like a compromise, when I have given up a relationship for my own and the other’s good, and I still feel like a loser. Tonight I got the invitation for my first love’s marriage. It feels strange, I still want to call her up and ask her to be with me, after 3 long years have passed. Be my woman and be no one else’s. I am feeling sad.
I don’t know if I am being unfaithful to my fiancé. It’s much more complicated than that I believe. I have never figured out this part of me. It gets me mad to try to figure it out.
“Good people also get bad thoughts, but only bad people actually commit bad actions. Good people and bad people are differentiated by actions and not by thoughts. My mind has the propensity to deliberate in every angle that any person would conspire to act. I am better in my ability to ponder, and yet do what in my right mind is the right thing to do.” I read this somewhere and I bought it.
I think I am doing the right things in life by deciding to be married to a simple girl. I have agreed to be an ox, lugging the load of a family through life. I can’t have a better life.
Sogathai maraithen uyir vali poruthen…..
Suyathai ethuvo suttathadi vandhen……
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6 comments:
i am sorry
~Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile and finds in your presence that life is worthwhile.
So when you are lonely remember it's true, somebody somewhere is thinking of you.~
It is not unnatural to think of girls in your life when you are actually in love with someone else now.
I think it's okay to be sad when she gets married to someone else because throughout you have always thought of her as "yours".
Does your fiance know about this?
Hmmm...
You are doing the right things! There will always be dark areas which will continue to surprise you with their thoughts. Have fun with them, be serious about them, be indifferent to them.
Kudos to a happy life! :)
Cheers! All the best!
“You get into a relationship because of your desire for it, you break a relationship because you don’t have the strength to keep it alive. To accept that you are weak takes a long time. On the other side, if you get into a relationship with strength and you continue that with your desire, that's a wonderful relationship” I remember reading it somewhere. Off late I have realized it.
We give explanations when our mind /soul says that “you are guilty”.
First Love
by Wislawa Szymborska
translated by Joanna Trzeciak
They say
the first love is the most important.
That's very romantic
but it's not the case with me.
There was something between us yet there wasn't.
It transpired and expired.
My hands don't tremble,
when I stumble upon small mementos
or a stack of letters wrapped in twine
—not even a ribbon.
Our only meeting after all these years
is a conversation between two chairs
at a cold table.
Other loves
still breathe deeply within me.
This one lacks the breath to sigh.
But still, just the way it is,
it can do what the rest are not yet able to do:
unremembered
not even dreamt of
it accustoms me to death.
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