Medium Vs. Idea

Diwali is the festival to celebrate the slaying of a demon by Goddess Kali. And there are lights all around us, laughter and so much of fun.

Let me examine what Diwali means to many of us:

a. Loads of discounts on mobiles, clothes, consumer durables – and hence days of shopping
b. Some sort of a gift coupon from the office
c. Bonus and reveling in spending
d. Crackers
e. Sweets
f. Loads of movies – Diwali special programs, special movies
g. Friends get together and party

The media and industry have hijacked every festival and probably gone on and created new occasions to actualize sales forecasts and aid economic growth. Dental health week?

The pressure on an average family to celebrate these festivals in the ‘proper’ way is enormous. We see a frenzy of spending in the weeks leading up to diwali. The richer shop a week or fortnight in advance and the poor in the last week.

Diwali is the triumph of good over evil. But what evil, in myself, have I defeated this year? In the end, the medium always seems to defeat the idea. We are more worried about religion that God. More worried about how to celebrate than why to celebrate.

Even Goddess Kali is not able to set an example for us!

Democracy!

I was watching television yesterday evening, and the breaking news was the
disappearance of the chopper in which the CM of Andhra Pradesh, Dr. YSR, was
flying.

The chopper went down in a jungle, off Chittoor. A dense forest of 3000 sq.
kms, naxal infested, and dangerous even for security forces to venture into.
Security agencies went into a tizzy. 6000 troops and personnel being
deployed to hunt down the missing chopper. Sukhois flying low altitude with
night vision cameras, army choppers flying with flood lights, tribals and
police on the march. NASA brought in to beam in real time images of the
forest to hunt for any signs of movement.

It was amazing the amount of technology that can be harnessed in a backward
country like ours to hunt down a missing CM. It is a matter of national
shame that the chopper carrying his contingent was overdue on its flight
worthiness certificate, and there was no SOP or standard op procedure in
case something like this happens. Security agencies were caught unawares on
what to do, and thus lost the golden hours when a crash site has not yet
disintegrated totally.

When so much of technology can be brought in to hunt some one very
important, then why can’t it be used to hunt down the naxals? The naxals or
the more popular name of Maoists are increasingly being heard of in the
media, holding vast stretches of the country on tenterhooks, with their
demands, revenge killings, and rampage.

Chattisgarh, Jharkand and a few other states have become their home turf. We
hear from the media that external forces hostile to India are training and
equipping them. The same is said of all movements that disrupt the way of
the democracy in our country. The guns come from abroad, their camps are
situated abroad to train them. But they all are Indians.

Some say that if they were Indians, then why they can’t stand up for their
rights within our system. Why must they wage a war that is extra judicial?

You could see that after every anti-Muslim pogrom, we have seen many years
of ghastly and daring terrorist acts. If any one in the government has any
wits at all, they should stop these pogroms from happening.

People are marginalized when they don’t get justice. Unless judicial reforms
become reality, there will be no peace in our country. Stop the injustice!

Everyone is aware of what happened to Mr. Narendra Modi when he was on the
show “The Devil’s Advocate”. When he was questioned on the Gujarat pogroms,
he was unable to answer. He had the look of someone who was being hunted for
his sins. He had a glass of water, and decided to walk out of the show. The
question that caused such a response was: “What did you do as the Chief
Minister of Gujarat to stop the violence?” The compare wouldn’t let him go
with the usual “we were doing our best”. He persisted and Mr. Modi couldn’t
stand up for his dignity. Mr. Modi was insulted.

I was reading an article about a man who has been in jail for 50+ years. His
family forgot, the nation forgot. He has got a compensation of Rs. 3 lacs
from the Government, but 3 lacs for 50 years of injustice is like wiping
someone’s ass with a coarse 200 grit abrasive paper.

Last week, the Moaists had called a strike in Bihar and Jharkand, and went
about bombing railway stations, tracks and mobile towers. Their demand was
very simple: “Take our comrades to court”. It seems that the police were
holding and interrogating two Maoist leaders outside the law. The Maoists
wanted them to be produced in court and remanded to judicial or police
custody. Now who is with the law and who is against it? The police
eventually took these people to the court, and the strike ended soon after.

It is that simple as this. People who don’t get justice form their own
system of justice. First, the hard core people will be the one’s directly
affected. It will be a small group of 4-5 people, then they will administer
justice on their own terms, then people join in who are enchanted by the
whole quickness and fairness, and then comes the popular movement. Violence is inhuman, but so is injustice. Violence breaks lives, but injustice can rip apart the whole society.
Thousands and thousands of troops are present in the naxal ‘infested’ areas.
They shoot, kill or arrest any person who is deemed a threat to the country.
But a corrupt official or sarpanch or corporator is immune to such a buildup
of hostile opinion and action. Is a revenue official who takes bribes any
worse than a naxal?

The naxal fights to rid the country of corruption. He knows why he is doing
this, but he doesn’t know how else to do it. He is just using the age old
technique of overpowering the system, when people like us would like the
system to change from within.

Where is our country headed? Judges are protesting against calls to declare
their assets. If they are good and honest why must they object?

Where is our country headed? A sensible government, headed by Dr. Singh is
not able to or willing to pass a bill banning politicians with criminal
records from representing the people.

Where is our country headed? A country of such immense potential is closing
its eyes to corruption in the name of progress and economic reforms.

Where is our country headed? When we believe that force is the only solution
to all social evils.

Where is our country headed? The mechanisms that must be protecting the
people and their rights are destroying the lives of people.

The Singur story is a good case in point. There are places where people are
not able to raise a single stick of carrot throughput the year. Industry
doesn’t come up these places. Industry comes up in places where there are 3
paddy harvests a year, monsoon or no monsoon.

  1. The WB government acquires land from farmers, through whatever means.
  2. The WB government hands over this land at a throwaway price to the
  Tatas.
  3. Tata’s build a factory on the land and manufacture small cars
  4. The people who gave up the land can be employed in the factory.



It is little comfort to note that a farmer, his own master, an entrepreneur
in his own right has to wear trousers and shoes and go to work for the
Tatas. Would a small scale manufacturer of shoe laces ever go and work in a
factory, unless he fails in his business?

How safe is it to assume that a farmer will be employable in a car factory?
A farmer who is uneducated will be sweeping floors and wiping toilet seats
in the factory.

Whatever has happened to pride? What has happened to self respect? Where is
our national pledge of upholding a citizen’s dignity?

People are being pushed around a lot in the name of development. Whether
this is a sustainable mode of development, no one knows. Social scientists
believe we are on course for destruction and anarchy. We are witnessing
signs of it already.
 

Guru Gyrations

I have a relative who is a follower of a Concept of Living, as instructed by a Guruji or a Pundit.

She teaches his teachings. She teaches mainly Yoga and Meditation, both profound practices to feel and explore the Soul.

She is old and a widow. She has been through her share of shit, and she has pulled off life well. Her daughters are well settled and prosperous.

She would talk about kriyas and asanas, and how they can transform the way you live your life, bla bla bla.

The Guruji may be right. He could be leading the otherwise blind people towards a harmony.

But our stupid people are T#$%^*&YUIY*&^(*&)(*)(*.

My relatives elder daughter is pregnant. All relatives were invited for a function, a high tea and a great evening at their place.

It turned out that the grandmother had made elaborate spiritual arrangements for the day of the delivery.

a. There was a white cloth in which the baby will be draped first thing after being born. It was the same piece of cloth that was spread over the chair the Guruji sat on. This will seemingly increase immunity, and cover the baby with the Guruji’s graces.
b. There was a silver spoon, which will feed the first mouthful of milk the baby would take. This was the same spoon the Guruji used to have some kheer during one of his tours. This will give the baby some sort of good stomach. I didn’t catch the exact context.

My head started reeling in the disgust at the unhealthy things my mind started thinking at that moment.

The Guru must be a bad man I thought at first, to exploit such people. I even told my wife that the lady must have brought the Guru’s langot and make her son in law wear it to be able to make his wife pregnant. My wife was naturally mad at me. But I didn’t see any difference in my thinking and the lady’s, other than the fact that I was deliberately trying to berate the Guru for exploiting his people.

When I went into things further, I understood that the Guru was not a Swami or a monk. He was just a teacher, who was trying to teach people.( I still don’t understand why a teacher must wear a Buddha and sport a long, flowing beard) In the process he has amassed much wealth on behalf of his trusts and temples, and charities and things like that. He was just running a plain business line. That of serving up one’s soul on a platter. He would tell you how to feel your conscience, how to be good, and how to be true, how to love. He would teach all the tenets of humanity as if it were new. He would add a few things here and there, and then try to make it sound unique and interesting. There would be bhajans and trance sessions, and people are just mesmerized not at what his teachings have evoked, but by the man himself.

He just is plain more intelligent than many of you. You think his eyes radiate a power. You have gone there to liberate a heavy soul. How could you look at the eyes of a man who you think is liberated? You, with your low self esteem have already lost the power to look at such a person in the eye. The Guru is confident because he knows no one would dare to look him in the eye. In the end it is all about the domination and subjugation. People nowadays don’t just need religion to be spiritual, they need to be taught.

The Guruji is exploiting his talents alone and nothing else. He never asks for anything more than attention.

His followers exploit him and other people.

They make classes out of their learnings of his teachings, they form new orders and ashrams. They make money out of his brand aura and create superstitions like carrying away his robes and cutlery. This sets a precedent and I am sure I would see the langot of the Guru on ebay or Christy’s, London for millions of dollars 20 years from now.

In the end, it is the disciple who is outsmarting the Guru. The disciples who went to liberate their soul, end up soiling their soul further. The Guru doesn’t bother either. It is just adding up to more brand awareness.

The Guru is running a perfect business, a public limited company.

a. The promoter drives home in a Merc bought by the company – the Guru does the same thing
b. The promoter invests the returns he gets in the business, and takes home only an allowance, thus he is not taxed – the ashrams buy land, start schools and money spinning operations
c. The promoter is not liable in case of business failure. The ashram can similarly shut shop and need not answer any one, even the Government.
d. A smart promoter would develop his executives to lead his business and be relieved – Gurus have always done the same thing. Hasn’t every religious order faced succession politics, malice and crime, just like our corporate successions?

We all think the Guru is doing charity, by teaching idiots like us. He is just running a school for adults on the subject of living.

Bossing around the bush

We have a General Manager in our office. He is one of the many in our myriad of levels. They have matrix reportees, and have a matrix reporting structure themselves. It means, he will get to screw people from a variety of departments and in turn is mauled, torn, ripped and raped by Senior General Managers, Managing Directors, CEO’s and Chairmen. It is a pitiable plight for these people neither at the top, nor at the bottom. The guy in the bottom is always safe. He will be subjected to all of the above things, but at a smaller scale.

The junior people in the organization are ‘groomed’ to be plundered, bled and raped in a larger scale. This is called the fast tracking of someone’s career. There is not a single boss I haven’t felt sorry for, for the humiliations he goes through to be successful, to be a progressive go getter, to become a leader of an organization. It looks ridiculous.

There are bosses, and then there are bosses. Every boss is different, and unique.

I had a boss, my first boss, who was an expert in undressing you. He would get a great pleasure to see stand there quivering, covering your vitals for virtual fear of castration. One would always want to take him out with one super blow, because he would always be looking to fell you. I thought I felled him with one nice left uppercut when I resigned from the company and gave my exit interview, but he has come to my company now! So you never punch your boss, even when you are leaving the organization.

Then I had a boss who was slippery as an eel. No one could grab him, and squeeze him. Reneging on commitments, double crossing almost everybody, soft spoken and suave. You would want to murder him, but he will talk you out of it. His bosses would scratch their heads on his logic, but they know something is wrong deep down. They would have the “let me get my hands on you” looks about them. But he was in no way an arrogant person. But he too had a big ego, to make things look to others the way he sees it.

Then I had a boss who was very different from the above. He was gentle, always neutral, unprejudiced, and a perfect gentleman, every bit very selfish. He never took anyone’s side other than his own. It would be a wonder when he would be getting promoted, when all of us who made the performance would get content with ‘better luck next year’. Then we all got together and decided that – OUR BOSS NEVER WILL HARM US, BUT HE NEVER DOES ANYTHING UPLIFTING EITHER. Don’t do good, and don’t do bad. It is a sickening thing to be there with a boss who would be ignoring you for the good you did and also for the bad you did.

Then I have a boss here who talks so much that he trips over with laughter. He tries to be funny, and very often manages to move us to laughter. But he is very bad at subordinating work. He would expect you to pick up things as you go. He would say Vinod is responsible for a, b and c. Amit is responsible for b, c and d. Jayant for a, b and d. So no one knows what he is getting to. Someone would like a, b, c or d, and would get it done. Someone like me who is a bad team player, is doing something like equity trading, and reading google news.

Then I have another boss here, who I don’t know how he became a boss. In meetings, or presentations, he would be the best listener, encouraging you with his wide, wonder filled eyes. Then he would ask the question that is most diagonally opposite to what is being communicated. He is a funny guy. You have to send him a mail, and call him up and tell him that something has been mailed to him. He would be cloistered in his cabin all day, then he would jump out of cabin and would be staring over your shoulder asking the most trivial thing like have you sent me a mail. He never uses his desk phone or intercom. He has become a subject of study for me here in Pune. I would like to narrate something that happened in the canteen with him.

Today, a friend and I were chatting in the canteen, and having some snacks. So Mr. Kutty, I would call him that from now on, walks in, and joins us. I introduced my friend to him. His name is Ramesh; he has joined us just last week. He is from a company called Eicher, my ex employer.

So he asked Ramesh, “So Ramesh how long you were with Eicher?”

Ramesh replies, “Two and a half years, sir.”

Kutty rejoins with enthusiasm, “Who was your boss is Eicher? I have many friends in your ex company. You know, VRVS was a very good friend of mine.”

Ramesh was filled with awe to this Kutty who seemed to know every person in Eicher Motors and especially the charismatic Country Marketing Head of the company.

Ramesh replies, “Mr. Lakshmipathy, sir. He is a GM there.”

Kutty’s eyes lit up with a widespread recognition. It seemed even to me that he would know this Mr. Lakshmipathy.

Kutty becomes serious now. “Let me recollect.” He seriously is trying to plumb into the depths of his memory. “I knew someone by the name of Lakshmipathy.”

Kutty remained silent for a few moments.

“I remember now. His full name is Lakshmipathy Balaji. I do recollect that I have spoken to him once.”

Ramesh, my friend started smiling in a derogatory way, poking me with his glances and pointing to Kutty as if he had made a big mistake worth heckling.

“Lakshmipathy Balaji is a cricketer sir. My ex boss was Mr. T. Lakshmipathy sir, and he has never played cricket in his life.”

I caught the joke now, and started laughing and Kutty, the true sport that he is, started laughing too. Then he abruptly nodded his head, in a very matter of fact manner and disappeared into his cabin. For us it was the turning point of the day. Then things started moving fast, and we were telling to this joke to the PD guys, who told it to the MES guys, who told it to the VI guys, who told it to the Engine guys, so on and so forth.

Bosses are like this. They try to pull smart things through. I haven’t met one boss who tries to prove you wrong every time. Whether he is wrong or right in his opinion, he would get pleasure by proving you wrong. He thinks people accept his opinion because he is more intelligent. People always accept it because he is the boss. They don’t point out his errors ever so often. They expect a boss to know his own limitations. Such a one is respected.

In my organization, a structural change was happening, and senior people who were in the field were rounded up and herded off to an assessment center. It was conducted by a third party agency. The results were rumored to be a negative for almost all the senior people in the organization. They were pulled up during feedback, harshly reminded to lead well, and then sent off with their commissions. Their negative scores or lack of competencies translated to reprimands, and pointed reactionary feedback was deemed enough for them to take up higher responsibility.

A boss who is not a good leader will always goof up with his juniors. They will not respect a person who is their leader, but is not leadership adapted. Leadership adapted means someone who moves into a leadership role, will have to adapt to many things like developing people, training, motivating, etc. Our leaders are never trained to lead. They are trained to boss around, and they do just that.

No company has a leadership policy manual. But every company will have an admin manual, HR manual, compensation manual. No company tells its leaders how to behave. The best the leaders can do is moderate their natural instincts. A very aggressive bulldog can be trained to be a pet. But it is better at being snappy than the good sheep dog.

Leaders have to be trained behaviorally. We have programs that tell the qualities of a leader. But no one tells how these qualities come about in a person.

It is said that assertiveness is a pre requisite for being a good leader. Every leader knows that. But some one who doesn’t know how to assert himself will just finely or roughly ignore suggestions, and term them as stupidity. He will stop receiving suggestions for fear of offending him.

It is said that a leader has to take responsibility. People understand things differently. Some leaders will try to do all the things themselves, in the process choking their juniors’ creativity, professional rigor and self esteem.

It is said that a good leader must be able to advocate his views. People misunderstand their steam rolling into advocacy.

Whatever trainings I have attended on the above subjects don’t even remotely refer to behaviors and attitudes. They focus on matrices ‘copywrited/patented’ and on role plays. Half the time people end up trying to show that they are good leaders even before the whole thing started.

Trainers have to depend on all these ‘tools’ because there are no demonstrable examples of leadership styles. If they are, I don’t know where they are. They can be found in biographies and auto biographies, where people hire writers to write good about them, or are vain enough to write good about themselves all by themselves.

The thing is this: People don’t know how to behave socially.

What the rag picker on Mumbai - Pune Highway called me

When I was walking back to the guest house today, it was raining a bit. It was trying to rain properly, you know the wiggly rain, between a good hard rain and the moaning, crying drizzle.

It was very still, no breeze, no air. The atmosphere was suffocating, but it always feels good to walk in the rain, so I was just walking down. Sometimes, when we do what we like, we turn back to see if someone else is doing it. Do I look an ass hole? This question burns the nape of our neck every time we follow something close to us. If this close to us thing is far from everyone else, we just cower down into ourselves, biting our heart into submission.

The road, the Mumbai – Pune highway I was walking on, seemed empty. People had taken shelter, in the vestibules of road side shops, within petrol pumps, and within any enclosure they could find. All that was going on on the road, was the art of driving cars over puddles of water, so that the water splashes on the people who are hardy enough to walk in the rain. Even I like doing such things. It is such fun to see people run away when a car approaches for fear of muddying their trousers.

I also was looking around, just to check if I was looking the idiot, getting wet in the rain in Pune, the swine flu capital of India. I guess I must have just gone on walking. There was a rag picker who was well covered with a plastic overall who was diligently and nimbly going on with his work.

“Tere jaise admiyon se swing flu aata hai. Geela hote ho jaan bujkar, foreign jaate ho, najane aids, swing flu late ho……..pagal ho kya?”

“People like you bring swine flu. You get wet for the fun of it, you go abroad and bring aids, swine flu, and what not. Are you mad?”

He was not even looking at me, but he was loud enough for me to hear him, and he was referring to me. There was no one else around.

His wisdom tells him a lot of things. I don’t know in how many dimensions he thought in, but I could work out some number of angles in what he uttered casually.

a. Rich people bring rich diseases from rich places. The un-immunized man does not have the money to get cured of unique diseases. This is true in so many instances. Common flu & cold decimated from the Conquistadors wiped out entire South American civilizations. Transport and travel brings disease.
b. He is classifying me as belonging to a group of people who are very rash, and up to their nose in enjoying life. They try to drown in it, compared to his scraping dust bins day in and day out. At the same time he could be esteeming himself for wearing his odd looking patched up rain cover.
c. He is unable to digest the fact that I take my life so lightly. By god, I could catch swine flu and pass over to my maker very quickly.

I was stupefied, not at that moment. But his sentence kept forming in my mind for the next five minutes. The full import of what he was thinking got to me when I entered the apartment complex. I stopped at a tea shop, was having hot cha, when I saw that I was not alone. People old and young were walking by, though far and few, as if nothing had happened. They were soaking wet, but they never really did mind. So I was not alone.

But what mattered was this. This was the first time, something someone very far removed from my own class of people had said to me had affected me or stuck to me. This is odd. I travel a lot, meet a lot of people, but this is a comment regarding my lifestyle.

Often, we just hear what we want to hear. The rest gets drowned out intentionally at first, but unintentionally later on. I think I am following a fling by getting wet in the rain, and for the rag picker on the Mumbai - Pune highway, I am a perfect idiot, a social menace. That’s a point of view I never expected to be encountered with.

We always form a vision of ourselves, and once we have a pride in our own self, people around us just start portraying our image to us. This becomes our environment, our emotions, our tastes, our friends, our habits, our everything. But suddenly, a rag picker on the Mumbai – Pune highway thinks I am a social menace! What originality!

Sometimes, we just forget that every rag picker, beggar, destitute, slum dweller will have an opinion on us. We just get overshadowed by ourselves and our image. We go to work, read a few things, invest, get married, and yet without knowing, we think this is the right thing to do & the right way to live. We could be trampling a lot of things on the way, without getting off our sleep walk.

Maybe, people like me, and people like you, who have internet in their homes, offices, the connected guys you know, who go to work with their brains alone, who have reduced the labor with the body to a lower social class, are a social menace. Because people like us are what - 2% of India and the other 98% may be thinking of the 2% as a menace.

I know what you will be thinking now. How will the rag picker survive, if people don’t earn enough to throw away stuff? We are making his livelihood, could be a starting point.

Cooking in the Quarters

I live in a transit quarters run by my company in Pune. It is a 3BHK apartment in a large complex called Empire Estate in Chinchwad, Pune. This is one of the many quarters run by the company in Pune, with probably a hundred in the country. To accommodate executives who are traveling on business or for people who get transferred, and yet are to settle down in their new place, like me. These properties are owned by the top management who lease out such properties to the company. It’s an old boys club. Every ex-CEO will have a thing leased out to the company. However, corporate governance is not what I am thinking of now.

The transit quarters are an eco system of their own. I have been in the quarters in Zaheerabad, Worli, Khar, Hyderabad, Bangalore, Chennai. You will find all sorts of people camping there for the night.

There will be a very old manager, Mahindra for life sorts. Then there will be the new joinee. There will be one protagonist like me. Everyone hates these places, which resemble a temple chatram or a common camping ground like a sarai, where people stay out of necessity. One can see the irritation of all people around, at the white walls, the medimix soap, and the Bajaj almond drops hair oil.

Everyone staying here, including myself, want to stay in a neat hotel, with variety in food. But the company is cutting costs or is being economical.

There have been instances when junior people are asked to leave just because some one more high or important in the company is coming in, and room has to be made for him. It is just irritating to have to pack up at odd times. It happened to me once in 2007, and I vowed never to walk into a company quarters again. Now, I am here again, and the experience has not sweetened much.

The same bland food. One would think the Mahindra transit quarters throughout India have a common menu. Roti, dhal, 2 subji’s, rice & curd. I have been in this place for a month, I have not tasted anything else, not even once. It doesn’t matter which part of the country you are in. The menu is the same.

One Sunday last month, when I was alone here, I decided to cook for myself. I could manage with a couple of south Indian dishes. But the caretakers here took it as a big insult, and would not let me into the kitchen. I tried coercive methods, then sometime later I appealed on compassionate grounds. They decided to make me dosas for dinner, and made me such dosas that I never repeated my mischief again.

I think they have been instructed not to entertain guests cooking for themselves just to make people leave sooner. If I am able to cook to my own taste once in a week, I would be pretty contented to live here, and the company would not want that. So it’s the same atta everyday, so people run out due to the monotony.

What would I not do to have rice mixed in puli kolambu/pulusu. Then curd rice, with a fried fish.

The caretakers are 2 teenagers from Gorakhpur in UP. There are 2 boys, cooking, keeping and sleeping in the house. They are in contract, with a recruitment company that files in boys from the village to work in such places. They can’t speak English or the local language. They are very respecting, decent and well behaved. They have been groomed to provide equal service all across India. Any Mahindra guest house in the country will have someone from Gorakhpur for sure. I don’t know how the connection came about or why.

To get fresh air!

I live in Pune now. Far, far from Chennai. This seems like a foreign country to me. This is a foreign language they speak. I am unable to get any chilli bajji here, or for that matter many of the things I had taken for granted Tamilnadu.

I have moved into Marketing now. I now handle Product Planning for our company, one in a team of 5 people, managed by a senior GM. I have been in sales for 4 years now, and I am going through a major transformation, at least so I thought when I was asked if I would be willing to move into marketing.

My immediate thought was the escape from month ends and targets. I knew there would be stress in any job, but this would not require a lot of travel. And I could go to office and come home every night to my family.

I decided to make the move despite the not so rosy financial situation we were in. I was of the opinion that one has to make a few sacrifices to get ahead in life, and in the long run, it would be alright.

I had been wrong on a few things.

I never knew how much I would miss the regular travel I have been taking for a nuisance the past 4 years. To go to office everyday is a thing I hate, I realize now.

I assumed sacrifices will be made by me readily. Now to think of selling my beloved motorcycle, the Zahir, and my first car, White. I feel like a morally corrupt person to throw off things. So much for my love of things. But I just cant see my things, my automobiles, bath tub, , being used by somebody. It is like abandoning a pet. Would they feed it properly, would they have a covered parking space, etc. Shit, the list of worries on this front go on like anything. So I decided not to make the both the sacrifice for my career aspirations. I decided to bring them here, and use them as sparingly as possible, without getting caught by the cops. It may seem impractical, so my wife and parents say.

I thought marketing was the natural progression for a sales guy with a management education background. I was excited when I though I would be managing a brand. It was what people do sitting in HQ, telling people how to advertise, how to campaign, how to promote, etc. Now when I am in this shit, I see meetings happening with ridiculous agendas:
• Project Planning of Product planning programs
• Market opportunity analysis process – to develop a template for understanding market opportunities and standardize the process of delivering products/brands/value, etc……blablabla……..
• There will be a meeting tomorrow to discuss the key take aways from the last meeting. Each member is to bring a write up on the above subject.
• The actual amount of time spent in thinking and executing the actual work will be 10%. The rest is spent doing fancy things, completely unrelated.

People are a lot more sophisticated. They like giving things names, making presentations to the top management – mind you, they literally fight for doing this. They like being snobbish, give themselves airs, trying to look intelligent. At the end of the day, they are being strictly professional, just what the employer wants. They would call meeting the customer for feedback as VoC – Voice of Customer. They would call a detailed project objective as PRF – Product Request Form. This gateway, that gateway, Gateway of India, etc. It’s designed to make morons sound intelligent. When I came in, it all seemed very intelligent, but to know what each term means, all these people here are running a swindle. Conning people and getting ahead in life.

People generally try to look very busy. But you go within what they do, they play solitaire most of the time, and they browse wikipedia, google news, ebay, solving the Friday puzzle in our intranet, etc. This means there is a lot of time for people to think about their environment and their colleagues, generally to be idle and think bad and not so bad things about people. Politicking is very common, and from where I came, all this did not matter. You were worth the gold for the numbers you showed in every month’s review. Here it is different. You are worth who you know. Your worth is in being in the good books. A rebel doesn’t fit in, and so does a person with a different attitude.

People in the office are stagnant. One can say this from their blank stares and bland smiles. There is no josh in anyone. There is no laughter in the office. So much work to be done, and people are just wary of small talk and time waste.

I don’t know how this will read to people who have had desk jobs their entire career, but I think this is not what I should be doing. I would become a stupid professor, a jargon crunching asshole and a scheming fox.

To meet 100 new people every day, I would give anything. To stop this suffocation, I would give anything.

His Stroke to Love

Today I visited my in-laws in Pallavaram. My father-in-law has had a stroke. He had lost control over his left arm and left leg.

It has been a month since, and he has regained his leg. I should say he is recovering well. He is able to walk now, sit down and get up without assistance. But the same is not true with his arm. He is still unable to grasp things. The left side of his face is twitching when he speaks, resulting in wobbly wiggly speech.

He has always been a belligerent, yet simple man. He has not been tamed. He is forgetful, never shoulders responsiblity.

He has retired from a life of 35 years in the civil service. He did very well in his career. After retiring, he had taken up life as a happy & contented old man. Going to all fairs, expos and exhibitions in Chennai. There was not one day when he would be idle, puttering along with his repeated questions.

He started working in the office of a politician. He would go to work everyday, to make 6000 rupees. He did this to earn his pocket money, so he could save his pension.

He has a history of diabetes and high blood pressure. As would be fatalistically expected of such a man, he would never take his medicines in time, characteristic of his forgetfulness and belligerence. He was not exercising, nor was he on a diet.

He just collapsed one day, was rushed to the hospital and he lost one side of the body, thankfully, not forever.

His relationship with my mother-in-law has always been a fascinating thing for me. She is an exact inversion of him. She is everything that he isn’t. She does things that a man ought to be doing for the family. She hates him for making her shoulder all the responsibility.

Their relationship is beyond my understanding. They are from another generation when marriage was equivalent to buying a medicine concoction from a flea market. You had to make the best of what is ordained, as long as the match comes from the same caste, and within the caste, from a good family. They have never known how to love as a man & woman, leading lives of frugality, self-reliance, self-defense and foreboding.

Both of them have never relied on each other for anything other than material needs. Emotionally, they have been far, far apart.

The stroke has for the first time brought them together on a different plane. For the first time in his life, he is dependent on her, for everything including succor and emotional understanding. He is seeing a different woman, 30 years into the marriage. She is seeing a different man, 30 years into the marriage.

I, all of 28 years, saw what adversity can do to an Indian family. It brings the family together. I see how people can rediscover their lives no matter how late. Things that are boring are boring because we are too bored to look at changes. People change, for sure, and we usually just don’t notice it.

I see my brother-in-law doting on his father. His mother feeding him and supporting him in his exercises without a wince. I see him grimacing, pulling a long face, when he is asked to exercise his fingers, but he listens to his wife now. He is meek, accepting, and adorable. He has just realised what a good marriage can do to a man when he is suffering. She has just realised the possiblity that someone who has just been present all this time, unwavering in loyalty, frugal and persevering can be loved. He has anyways been a loyal husband, a prudent father and an unaffected man. He deserves the loving, though it comes only during his suffering.

The family has opened a new leaf. Each one is experiencing a different sensation. They are changing form what they were when I married into the family 3 years ago. I pray they grow to love and enjoy their old age.

Falsificationist

I visited college today in Trichy.

I was perspiring in the air-conditioned car, my heart was skipping the occasional beat when nearing the campus. The college was closed for summer holidays, and I parked the car and lit a cigarette.

The college hostel now sports a gate, with security, non existent during our times 5 years ago.

The end of the cigarette brought back memories, and I had a lump in my throat, remembering the evening walks, my own kitchen-bedroom, my best friend, the rendezvous with the love of my life, the poetry and the music.

Its surprising how things change. The priorities, the convictions and the inspirations. I have become more isolated after college. Isolation for a man like me is heavenly, Escapist and Falsificationist that I am. The latter I have become after college, with proving things wrong and hypocrisy, especially people and ideals.

Falsificationist is a term I accidentally encountered while I was reading Fooled by Ramdomness by Nissim Nicholas Taleb. I don’t remember in what context he had used the term, but in an instant I realized that it meant me. The futilities of my emotions and the paramount importance my own emotions assume for myself have made this effect.

The same term comes up in my definition when I analyze politics, social issues, cricket and everything. It dawned upon me that I was not only what I thought I was, but also a Falsificationist, whether it is a part of the whole, or this is the whole, I don’t know.

I have gotten over the love of my life, my eternal passion for Her by escaping, and not by resolve. Stealth modes, hiding away Her pictures and selective deletion from friend lists have done the trick.

I have stopped writing to escape from my emotions, and what I feel about things. In the process, I have been wiling away time with books, work and alcohol.

I still manage to dodge responsibility, when it is not for my own good, or for my wife and daughter. I have managed to hide the cells that contain the people I would have otherwise cared for.

Election Time

Pattali Makkal Katchi – The Party for the Laboring Masses, literally - PMK is a political party in Tamil Nadu, founded on the holy principle of working for the uplifting of the presiding caste of the party. It started off as demanding more benefits and recognition of the caste within the State. Transport Corporations and Districts were named after prominent good people of this caste. There was mass felling of huge trees along the highways, as a means of blockading the state apparatus into making the above said concessions during the 1980s. It all started off there.

And today, the party is prominent in TN & Central politics. The leader of the party is referred to as Maruthuvar Ayya – Doctor ji. The son of this leader as Chinna Maruthuvar Ayya – Little Doctor ji. The latter is the Health Minister in the Central Cabinet.

The party derives its power base, strength from the Northern part of the State.

It takes pure genius to convert a small caste based ideology into a political movement. Hats off Dr. Ramadoss for this.

Dr. Anbumani Ramadoss, as the Health Minister has brought in a lot of new initiatives, bold and very much welcomed by the common masses. The Rural Health Mission, Call 108 for Emergency – EMRI, Ban on Smoking, etc. The list is just characteristic of a young politician who wants to do something when he is in power. In fact, one can admit that it is highly commendable.

Earlier this month, there was a PMK meeting – Ilaignar Uridhierpu Manadu – Pledge Taking Meeting for the Youth, happening in Pallavaram, Chennai. The expected attendance was 5 lakhs ----- yes, 500 thousand!

Pallavaram is a small town just adjacent to the Chennai Airport, with narrow lanes and very bad roads. It is well and very much within the accepted bounds of Chennai, within the City Administration limits. A meeting of such magnitude seemed impossible in such a place.

The meeting started off and there was a huge rush, traffic jams and accidents. The place looked as if a hurricane had passed through the GST road.

I happened to be driving on the GST road that evening. The party workers were little boys in many of the buses. I am sure many of them would not have reached the legal voting age. The hooliganism was just unimaginable. More people were traveling in bus roof tops than in their seats. Unparliamentary abuses for cars and vehicles that obstructed their path. I saw one instance of a MTC driver beaten up for seemingly nothing.

This can be taken as bravado or a rowdyish flourish of so many young people getting together in a gathering of this magnitude. One will certainly feel elated, with or without alcohol, when so many people, purportedly entertaining the same political affiliations, get together to show off strength. This meeting was surely designed to maximize attendance, and hence to show the party’s strength ahead of the elections this year.
What cannot be accepted or digested is the drunkenness of the cadre. The TASMAC shops in the area did roaring business, with people guzzling whatever they could lay their hands on. There was even a riot in one of the shops. This from a party whose leader wants complete abolition of alcohol and tobacco from the country. This was reported in all major TV channels the same evening.

This cant be taken as the problem or aberration on the part of this party. This is the sad state of affairs of Indian politics. The same thing happens everywhere.

While a private company has to take the permission of the City Administration, Traffic Cops and other civic bodies to do outdoor advertisment, political parties are openly allowed to put up banners and other advertisements everywhere, even when they cause inconvenience to traffic.

The audacity of such behavior is just unbelievable. The crescendo is just becoming unbearable in Chennai. The traffic is already choking, and one has to weave around and look out for props and “cut outs.

One is left wondering when a code of conduct for campaigning is going to be implemented in India. When are we going to come out of this large scale chaos?

India is still largely lawless. This is painful, yet forms the foundation of our illusion of our much celebrated democracy.

Breaking News

I was watching the The News Now Overnight on Times Now. The News started at 11 pm, and now as I am typing this mail at 11:37 pm, i have heard just 5 classifications in the news:

Pak – War on Terror
Obama – I know i screwed up with my list of selected people in my team
People stranded in Borivali station because a train got cancelled
Shri Ram Sene and the fiasco on the pub on Mangalore
IPL 2nd edition mega auction

On this same day, TN went through a bandh in support of Sri Lankan Tamils.
On this same day, a quarter of a million Tamil civilians are continued to be caught up in crossfire.
On this same day, a girl fell into an abandoned borewell and rescued successfully.
On this same day, a tehsildar got arrested for trying to extort money for a land rights transfer.
On this same day, a major accident in TN killed 15/18 passengers in a pilgrimage passenger van.

The list will go on, of the actual news of the day.

This sort of takes away the interest a common man has to his immediate environment, though this is more interesting to watch than a strike in Chennai. I recollect that I haven’t seen one neutral bit of reporting in a long time. Many people who watch News for the News will know.

Sensationalism in Journalism is becoming menace increasingly in our country. A few years down the line, no one will remember what the News is meant to tell listeners.

Take the media in TN now.

Dinakaran, Sun TV, Kalaignar TV, their allied channels are owned by people aligned to the DMK – one will not see any information on anti Govt. issues
Jaya TV, Raj TV are aligned towards the ADMK – one will not see pro Govt. News
Makkal TV is PMK – you will find a mix of all things except news
Star Vijay – Neutral – No news, sadly

Media has become a dumping ground for money, power and vested interest. When one listens to the good old DD News, one is amazed at the spectrum of things one ends up digesting. Believe me; you still will get good, simple, unadulterated NEWS.

Times Now focuses on Anti Terror.
NDTV on Politics
CNN IBN on controversies and talk shows, citizen journalism and mini debates

No one actually says what happened and just that, for the viewer to frame his own perception of the justifications and morals.

I saw a viewer SMS poll on a News Channel a few days back – “Do you think Pakistan will reject India’s 26/11 Terror Dossier? SMS Yes or No.” And the News program featuring the round up of the day featured the result “80% Yes, 15% No and 5% Neutral”.

Now anyone who is not in his sixth round of whisky will be able to tell what this poll is trying to do. How can a common man – of the classic, bully Mob – judge what Pakistan will do? Does he know what India has sent? If so, they are provable, with judicial, forensic efficacy?

The thing that this poll did was to polarize the common man a bit more against Pakistan, with covert influence on a religion, its culture and its practitioners.

I don’t mean to say that these channels mean harm to the nation. They are number driven like a Tata, DLF or an Airtel. People must be made to watch the program. Incentives, motivations and a little tweak here and there, does it for them.

If there is one social evil that needs to be addressed with urgency, it is in the media. This evil will make our people ignorant, complacent and more worried of Barak Obama than a political murder or a robbery in your very own locality.

News need not be told by so many channels, in so many fancy ways. Truth is just the Truth and ideally every version of it must mean and intend the same. But alas.....

Will our people stop activism against politicians and start it against the Indian media? Good media coverage and not TRP can screw social evil, corruption, flesh trade, drugs forever.

Politicians are spoiling our today and the News our future generations.

To be

To see your child in glee and chuckles
To love your woman like Truth
To swing with the rhythm of the road
To brood over a drink and good music
To see a young tree you planted grow
To earn good sleep in your own bed
To rest in peace over justice served
To see fairness and beauty all around
To feel safe from abuse and cruelty
To feel loved by even one person
To think like the God himself
To dream like this in solitude….

Of Men and Morals

We were in Singapore last month, our team of 15 people, forming the core of the Mahindra business in the 4 southern states. All of us are educated in premier institutes. All engineers from Anna University, MIT, premier MBA institutes.

We had all gone out on sight seeing on the 1st day and were back in the hotel. Went out to for some shopping and were back for a drink at the hotel.

The second day was again full of sight seeing, with the Jurong Bird Park and Sentosa Island Resort forming the highlights of the trip.

We got back to the hotel at 9 pm, and all sat together for a drink, including our boss, who had come with his family. Had a rollicking time. Till then everything went on fine.

It all started at 10 pm, when some people wanted to explore the night life of Singapore. Me and my partner in customer care, Mr. Nagaraj, stayed back. I was having one drink after another and we were conversing different topics.

At 11 pm, there was a knock, and 3 people came running inside the room. They were looking extremely scared and one of them, a drinker, wanted a drink to calm his nerves. He had a drink and then started narrating what happened to them in their quest to explore the night life of Singapore.

They had all left in taxis, and asked the drivers to take them to some night clubs and one of the drivers was Tamil. He took them to a place where night life, in its literal sense, was being lived.

Mr. Uday was sitting in a table in a bar with a beer. He was looking at the women in the club. Suddenly, a girl came and sat on his lap. She was looking extremely pretty. Uday kept gazing at her, unable to realize that a girl other than his wife was sitting on his lap.

He realized the gravity of the situation and managed to will himself to get off the seat. 3 more guys of a similar disposition and Uday managed to get out of the setup and scramble home to the safety of the taxi. They were back and Uday was shaking from head to toe.

He as scared. He was tempted to buy the woman a few drinks and pay her money to get laid. The temptation lasted a minute and it was a moment of realization for him of his weakness and his strength of morality as well. He was shaken and badly mauled by the experience.

Let us now see what happened to the other 10 people who were exploring the night life of Singapore.

They bought the drinks for the girls, paid them the money, and got laid.

I would recall the instance of one guy, one of my team in TN. He has a son, whom he apparently loves. The drinks and the sex had cost him S$150. He did not buy his son anything from Singapore.

The other guy from TN, 28, got married in 2007 December. His wife is having an issue, 7th month. It cost him S$150 to get laid. He did not buy anything even for his wife or for home. He was the same guy who specialized in taking snaps of asses of women in short skirts and shorts, and boasted about it.

Some people go to prostitutes to get laid alone. Paying for sex, I think, is the basest thing anyone can do with their life and character. Making love and having sex are 2 different things and are confused to be the same thing.

One difference between animals and humans is that the longevity of a relationship lasts beyond the mating process. The relationship is based on love and sex is just an outcome of the love, of acceptance and of an emotion of conduciveness.

When a man pays money for sex, he is not only maligning his own morals, but also jeopardizing the love of his family. Who was a loving father has every possibility to turn into a monster. When money leads to sex, a vital link in the evolution of man’s mind is violated. It leads to guilt and diseases, to the mind and to the body.

What I realized was that no matter what your education is, how much you earn, what your wife does, men require sex for the thrill of the primacy or novelty of the situation or life. A guilty person can’t be a good father or a mother, as a lathe can't turn a square hole.

Tranquebar

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tranquebar

Selfish

Selfishness:

It, I would define is, the will to further one’s interests over others’, within one’s own moral precincts. It is the instinct of survival that has been tempered by generations of collective thinking and social taming.

I would like to clarify here that I am making a fundamental differentiation between a wrongdoing and an act of selfishness. A wrongdoing is an act of moral weakness. An act of selfishness is of the will, usually with full effect, because you are doing something over the fresh grave of a conflict.

The conflict is with the notion of “sacrifice”. It is moral degradation that asks or waits for a sacrifice. It is lack of strength that makes a sacrifice. A duty is never a sacrifice, to be remembered. Who claims a duty to be a sacrifice is being selfish.

Being selfish is just one of the means to be independent. This is the way that makes independence inevitable. You would have exhibited your preferences, your priorities and your intentions. You would have played your cards. You are exposed, like a diva under the focus lamp, whose shoulder straps have become undone. You can either cover your vitals and be ashamed. Or you can be light as a newborn foal, and celebrate the innocence of being naked. Your pretences have been shooed away by a momentary expansion of your real self. It is now decided! You have been branded!

Let me be honest, very. Simply put, no man can be not selfish at all. Selflessness is in an ideal man. Designed to make a role model for us, at a time when being selfish could have ruined a pack of hunters, who still held stones for weapons. The results of one individual wanting to exercise his interests and choices would be disastrous for the pack. Such hunters became the solitary jungle men, thrown out of the pack, and fighting for survival in a world where individual choices are violated and disrespected.

I need not be proud of being selfish, just like how I am not proud that I can be cold and unsympathetic. I need not feel self-regret and remorse for being selfish, just like how I am in equanimity with my arts and vices.

Selfishness is demonstrated through acts. Words, movements, gestures and decisions. They are the ends churned out by something as unpredictable as a human mind. The dynamics are complex to break down. The concoction is variegated by the essence of so many experiences and priorities.

People lie. People make mistakes. People do stupid things. People do bad things. People hurt. People hurt. Can an individual’s worth be measured accordingly? The answer would be a loud no among our intellectuals. The answer would be a simple yes from an ordinary man. What matters is “what do you think?”



The Personality – Taking the Mind’s Part!

In psychology, personality is a collection of emotional, thought and behavioral patterns unique to a person that is consistent over time. The word itself originates from the Latin word “mask”. Not meaning an apparatus to plot, but as one to typify or portray.

Various schools of psychology employ various approaches to frame a model to explaining personality. Freud used the ego, superego and id as components of personality. There are behaviorist theories, cognitive theories, trait theories and many more.

All modern theories look at explaining personality, where it is an object of mystery that has to be solved. Emotions, behaviors and thoughts are seen as outcomes of a certain type of personality. There seems to be an underlying principle that is ignored when something is explained in context than in essence. But this is science and it stops with the explaining. Psychologists were trying to understand, not to design a way of life. They did not have nirvana or deliverance or afterlife to contend with. Understanding was the deliverable than devising an approach to understand and use it to one’s advantage.

It is more prudent, in my opinion, to look at the cause to frame a theory, than to look at the action/reaction.

The Buddha explains personality thus:

The personality is of five components:
1. The body – as the substrata of being alive
2. The sensory organs – on which the body depends to feel alive
3. Perceptions – as the process of interpretation of the senses thus felt
4. The activities of the mind – as the process of thinking
5. Cognition – as the process of knowing

One leads to the other. Without the body, there would be no living. This is the physical bulk of the personality. The sensory organs feel, vibrate and function their part. The mind performs the arithmetic, gives allegories, recalls examples and finds the best way to act.

Till now, everything is involuntary. The ears will always hear the music, leading to a sense of joy. The joy is the outcome of the mind. It recalls nice things, beautiful valleys, colorful gardens and cute babies. Cognition is the awareness part, where the self reflects, meditates and ponders over itself and its actions. There is a smile that will bloom on the face at the sight of a kitten, which will sometimes be crossed by “why am I smiling?” This is the self, looking at the personality, trying to understand it.

Traditionally religions have been the channels of framing ways to live, act and behave. In turn, such principles were supported by philosophies that explained the self, its mysteries and the life after death. The Aryan race believed in payback brought about by the actions in this birth. Donate, sacrifice, be virtuous, be religious and abnegate.

Escape from passions and desires are seen as a way of freeing oneself from the mires of the personality. This is because the personality and the self are seen as different. The personality is the mortal, while the self or the atman is immortal. The personality is the direction of the urge of the self in this birth.

Cognition is causal. We are aware of something only when the previous four components have done their functions. The processes that take place because of the senses cause it. Cognition cannot be used as an approach to explaining the personality, since it is a part of the personality.

Personality can be explained and understood only by the self, which is an outsider to personality. One cannot know the quality of an apple by being a leaf in the tree. One has to be a farmer. The self has to look at the personality, isolated.

The self is the idea of a unified being which is the source of an idiosyncratic consciousness in a living being. This is called idiosyncratic because it symbolizes the peculiarity of the self with respect to the other senses that reside in the body and the processes of the mind. The latter are there for a specific purpose. But the self? Why must we have a self? It is because we are unable to explain this something. A substance or a mechanism that seems to reside within us, yet apart from us, and which will come closer only by reflection and not by intuition. The self is deduced by logic. The same cold logic of the mind will deduce the essence of man, the self or the atman.

The self is the life that throbs in the heart. The force that moves the universe. The electric field that causes electrons to go around the nucleus. The God that creates life. The destructive force that can churn an ocean. For us who are tangled with the details cannot see the force that is guiding us on our path. The macro can look at the micro with a mere effort, but the opposite to take place needs a different approach to life.

I have gone into such details to enable the thought process of understanding the cause of selfishness. If one thinks he is selfish, his self is looking at his personality. It is the essence of you that is being critical. The personality as such is causal and has acted in the best material interests of you. The self looks at the interests in a different manner, since it is outside the realm of the personality, though it uses the very same cognition to effect this judgment on the individual.

The self is apart from selfishness or any other vices or devise yet contrived by any mind. Such are acts of the cognition. Borne out of the processes triggered by the senses, and processed by the mind. The self is always divine in every being. The overpowering sensations of the mind, passions and desires overshadow the self, the essence of man.

All turpitude and guilt is only mind deep. Deep down we are all-pure. Till we realize and fructify this spirit within us, all movements and productions are sufferings and are illusory.

Are we then to abnegate and become monks ourselves? I venture forth with the answer “ All beings were selected by a self, the eternal one. It formed our personality in response to the touch and vibrations of our senses and our mentation. We have to respond in this world if we are to sail smooth within this samsara. Not everyone can quit family, desires and passions to attain Buddhahood. Nor does everyone believe in the eternal self and rebirth. The awareness of the self will suffice in this age when individual value is corroded more than ever. People run away, break down and actively and passively abandon their responsibility to themselves and the society. It is better to look at the world as a place where the self has chosen to weave its story, around this personality, in this direction”.

The self has to be acknowledged as being present within us. Not everything of us is flesh, blood and matter. There is enough room within our existence that permits the accedence of the metaphysical; of the abstract, the incorporeal and the obtuse. Once this space is accorded to the self, then it is the ego that is being selfish. Any act is a response to a condition that exists, and is the result of cognition, which is causal in nature. If the act evokes guilt, it is the mind again with its response to the situation created by the act. This situation might also be dealt with by a response.

It is by giving up all that the self can be attained. That eternal bliss is not to be attained by us all. We are creatures that respond. We are creatures that are surviving. We want to live. Death for us is pain, not deliverance. Such is the mentation’s reason. Strong enough, in my opinion, to make us go through life, as we deem right.

So let us set aside the spiritual context of selfishness, or any other quality within man that he deems is unfit for public exposition. The spiritual realm is for those who want deliverance from the cycle of birth, death, sins and suffering. We are talking about the justifiability of an act within one’s mind. We are limited to the cognitive. We are trying to make peace with the mind and the self, by taking the mind’s part. The mind is aware of the self and vice versa, and we are trying to synchronize the both by showing the self the very little choice that the mind has to consider. Let the self be sympathetic, let the mind be flamboyant. Let the path be correct. Let us live to be happy, however futile this life may be.

Submitting:

We all submit, rather surrender our choices for something better. We have the choice of redepositing our choices into the “choice” bank. We can draw out new ones. We can change.

I can surrender resolve to pliability. I can surrender truth to falsehood. I can submit to a life of celibacy. I can do anything!

We always go through a period when choices don’t seem to exist, after the surrender. There seems to be an indomitable scarcity of thought, ideas and action; of choices as such. We despair at these times. When the soul feels broken, when the heart revels in a trough, refusing to look up. There again is always the awakening. For nothing can be left untouched by evolution and growth, can it? We look about, and then amazingly, we walk again. We look for fresh choices to make. We surrender old coins that are not worth any longer, in exchange for newly issued ones.

There is a new attitude to this makeover! People do change, I believe for the good. They submit used choices to new ones. They create new vistas to themselves, where they can see a better view of their future. They rejoice the potency of their decision, proud and defiant.

Selfishness is just such a choice, made unconsciously and sometimes consciously. It wouldn’t be wrong to say that it is bred among us as separate entities; as money, as freedom, as desires, as power, etc. The only crime that selfishness commits on the human is that it conquers him unnoticed, when he does notice, he is in a plot inextricably complex and is daringly in the open.

He who exercises his choices with a will scares people of his potency. He plays to his strength, his smartness. He gets what he exactly wants. He makes bold decisions that decide his own fate. He is taking destiny head on. He chooses to have more control over his life than others.

He who is sure is always suspected. He who thinks for his own welfare always draws flak for his seemingly careless attitude. He who is powerful over himself is always belittled in a thousand small ways. He who is smart is always hated. We are not paragons of virtue. Vices rule our unconscious, moderated by again, taming and social instincts.

A selfish individual not only robs people of their interests, but also enjoys them right in front of the disadvantaged, all the more hurt.

Man has been so well conditioned that he will not advance his own interests till he is insecure, cornered. Insecurity may be imaginary, nothing really. He reacts like an innocent toddler clutching at fire. Will he be burnt? Or will he learn to play & revel in its warmth?

Love and Selfishness:

Love. I would not be doing justice to selfishness if I don’t think of this.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses
Your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So he shall descend to your roots and shake them
In their clinging to the earth.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then as he assigns you to his sacred fire, that
You may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you
May know the secrets of your heart, and in that
Knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love’s
Peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your
Nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh,
But not all of your laughter, and weep,but not all
Of your tears.
(On love, The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran)

Love is a flight toward perfection. We become better with love. We love so that we become better. Self-love is the basic manifestation of love. If it is not within us, it will not come out. One who is deficient in resources cannot give. Love is a conscious effort we make toward someone or something.

Love moves us toward extremities. There is immense happiness, emotions, and passions and there is heart wrenching sorrow and failure too. One who has not loved will never know these extremes. Yet nobody is not touched by love. If love is not perceived in its embracing presence, it is definitely felt in its ghostly absence.

One, who does not perceive love, will be contented. He will have capabilities that will define his boundaries. There will be no wings. There will be no utopia in the mind. There will be no butterflies in the garden. The spring that embellishes the spirit with a sense of bounty will forever deprive the individual of the warmth that is the extra bit of spice that man tastes over the animals.

We usually encounter situations where we must give up something for somebody we love. If I give up something for something for my beloved, I am doing love’s labor. It is duty. It is duty that is performed without the slightest whimpering. We cannot be selfish to those who love because we will be doing our duty by doing what is required to be done. There is a joy to doing this; else we would not do it. Ignoring the self in making such decisions towards depriving oneself can look romantic at that moment, but will always come back and haunt us. Regrets in decisions lead to discontent. Discontent leads to complaining. Complaining will always come back to “sacrifice”.

Must Selfishness be Vanquished?

Now, we will see if this needs to be branded as bad and hounded out of our realm, else if it needs to be tolerated as another eccentricity of the human mind among many others.

Everybody is selfish. It is hypocrisy if this is refuted. It cannot be challenged. We are human beings. We need to advance, grow, and survive, most of all. The advancements and the growth become the proxies for survival when survival is taken for granted. An average man is assured of physical survival. He will normally not be beaten to death or killed by an expulsion from a group. He will live. So now, the struggle is toward a comfortable existence. I need an air conditioner badly. It has become need. It has become a hygiene factor, without which I am not happy. I want to be powerful. I want to control. I will live unless an accident happens to occur.

So we will be rarely in a position where we will be endangering the physical lives of people by being selfish. Not many people get to that position of power and potency. Being selfish will enable you to be in control, if only your conscience permitted you to be happy with the control so achieved. Being selfish will let you have better things in life. Be it a better income, a better job, a better lifestyle.

It is imperative to understand that being unselfish will not give lives to people who are in trouble. It is sometimes bad to be unselfish, just like how it is good to be selfish sometimes. After all, we may not be making much of a difference.

What would we be losing? We would be losing the goodwill of those who were affected, if it mattered to think about their lot. We would be losing our peace of mind if we believe we have been harsh. We would be losing our self worth if we think we were wrong. If this were the case, it would be best to go back on the decision, since this is a weak mind, with weaker principles and controls.

Selfishness is good. Anything that is considered bad is bad and will be regretted and fretted over. I would not call them selfish acts or motives. They are just bad things done at a time when a bad thought asserted itself.

Selfishness is an act of consciousness if planned, within the ambit of our values. If it is unplanned, it is the essence of ourselves that are exposed through an act. In both cases, it is the good part of us that is acting to do us good. It is not sick to be selfish. It is not a base character that calls itself selfish and acts so.

Then are we here to outdo and outsmart one another, one may wonder. Gathering fruits is different from marauding an orchard. So is selfishness different from mindless acquisition. Being selfish means you pick the best fruits for yourself and not wish your neighbor ate rotten eggs. Then, what he eats need not be your worry, if that can be seen as a crime! If you have an apple to spare, you may even be charitable. Up to your appetite.

When selfishness creeps up from behind you, wake up. You may have your priorities wrong or neglecting your interests and well being. If you think you are unselfish, wake up. It is better to be selfish than a hypocrite. Accept it, live with it.

Conclusion:

I am selfish. I am not regretting it. I am at peace when I can say this to my face and to the world. I am not lying.

It takes a change to acknowledge this. It takes an effort. It takes will to assert oneself. Change.

When we look at the cost of a sacrifice, it will always be worth not making it. Who has not regretted a sacrifice sincerely?

For so long, socio religious conscience has had the better of the mind. A thousand chains have bound rationality. Man has become a slave to his own creation – society. Man is today lost in a multitude of fantabulous theories and myths regarding his existence. Man is an intelligent animal, a bit more sophisticated and with more ambulatory options, and definitely a better mental capacity.

In the absence of a physical territory to guard, when food, shelter and sex are guaranteed, when existence is not threatened, such things that were preternatural to our forefathers have become knowledge to us. Times have changed.

Selfishness is the conduit for our instinctual energies to be spent. It is the intent to live, expressed through a thousand proxies. It is human life, with its own eccentricity. The center point will remain the same, but the circle will never be perfect.

The Elephants

GangaikondaCholapuram

I was supposed to be in Tanjore tomorrow. So I decided to make a trip out of the weekend and visit GangaikondaCholapuram - the name may sound long, but it literally means “The Town of the Cholas who conquered the Ganges”. It was the capital of the Cholas when they flourished and their empire stretched from the Bengal to Ceylon.

It is an off beat place in today’s tourist circuit in Tamil Nadu. In fact, it has never been popular, considering its heritage. The village has a marvelous shrine dedicated to Lord Brihadeeshwara – Shiva. Everything about this place can be had at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gangaikondacholapuram.

I wanted to start off at 4 am and beat the midday heat. Yes, you guessed right, I slept happily till 6.30 am and then started off at a very leisurely pace. I was driving my Bolero today, and stuck to 80 kmph, with no work calling for urgency.

Got to Acharapakkam and had my breakfast at 8.30 am and drove on through Vikravandi, Koliyanur, Vadalur, Neyveli, Minsurutti, Settiatope and then reached GangaikondaCholapuram at 12 pm.

I had expected a small to medium sized town with the temple as the highlight, but all I found were dilapidated tea shops and dusty restaurants and a very small village. There is decent infra in place at the village. The village itself is very clean and neatly maintained. The temple complex is controlled b y the Archeological Society of India (ASI) and they have done a great job. Everything that is fragile has been fenced off and the place is very very clean. There are no sacrifices in the temple now, and technically there are no poojas as well.

The Nandi is very very imposing at the entrance and the temple complex is fortified and there are smaller viharas around the main complex. The outer walls are studded with sculptures, but the sharpness of their features is lost, not so on the inside. But what amazes you when you go to Chola Temples is the sheer size of the Main Tower. One has to see The Big Temple of Tanjore and this temple to assess the monstrosity of the folly of erecting such a tower.

The place is exactly 250 km from Chennai – 5 hours at a leisurely pace. It is possible to visit the place and get back to the city in a day. It is possible to couple this with Tanjore and make it a casual 2 day weekend trip.

Tamil Historical Novels

I have always wanted to read Tamil historical novels. It was one thing I have never got around to doing.

Historical novels are interesting to me in the sense that they evoke a sense of curiosity as to where a particular monument may be now or what would be happening if this were to happen today.

I was at a book store last month, and I bought Sivakamiyin Sabatham, Kalki.

I started off slowly. I have never learnt Tamil in school, except in kindergarten. I have managed to get along by reading sign boards, hoardings and glancing through masala news in mainstream Tamil newspapers. I could not do more than 10 pages in an hour.

But I gained in speed everyday. And as I moved through to the core of the plot, I really started enjoying the story.

The thing with English classics and historical novels is that English novels elicit an awe and involvement into the plot of the story. But I have never seen rural England, London or the downs and its fogs and winters and summers.

When I was reading this book, there was awe at real things I have seen with my own eye. To think that Mamallapuram was created by the chiseling by thousands of artisans for about 20 years is inspiring. The country, Thondaimandalam, went through a long drawn out war against the Chalukyas, several famines and adversities, during which this work was stopped and restarted again and again.

There were so many Jain and Buddhist temples and monasteries in those days. I tried the Archeological Survey website and there are many protected Jain and Buddhist structures in our state. I was amazed to see that I have never heard about them or seen them.

I made it a point to visit the temple which has the idol of the Ganesh which was brought home by the General, Paranjothi, to his village near Tanjore the first time I was driving through the town.

I have started reading the sequel to Sivakamiyin Sabatham, Parthiban Kanavu. It is turning up many more revelations and many new places to explore in our very own Tamil Nadu.

Gas Cylinder

Was visiting my in laws today. I had just gone out for a smoke to the next street.

I heard a dog screaming down the road. I ran towards it.

The shopkeeper nearby had thrown a full gas cylinder on the sleeping dog. A gas cylinder weighs about 20 kg. He had let it fall on its head, for fun.

The dog’s skull was broken and the whole place was full of blood. It was running in circles, crashing, rising and then running around in frenzy. Its mouth had foamed. I think it had lost its sight. It was running around and hit a wall head on. It walked with a strange tilt. It was unable to balance itself. It kept falling every few paces and letting out a gut wrenching yelp.

The shopkeeper and a teenager were gawking and laughing at the creature. The teenager was shouting, “It’s a murder, murder”, with a smirk of smartness written all over his face.

The commotion had drawn a few people from around. They started asking the guys how it would feel if they had the same cylinder dropped on their heads.

They hung their head down, they were ashamed. One guy said, “It was only a dog”

One onlooker said, “If it was only a normal street dog, you could have chased it away by pelting a stone at it”

A lady on the top floor of an apartment kept cursing the shopkeeper, “You will be born a dirty dog in your next life. I will drop a TV from the third floor on your head”. This lady was making most of the noise.

A cop was riding by on his bicycle. He stopped to look into the row. He gave both the guys a good beating on the spot. Every time the baton fell on their backs, there was some encouragement from the people gathered around.

Everybody had forgotten the dog that had struggled and got away from the crowd. It was lying in a pool of blood panting its last breath in a gutter. It was choking and a few little boys were looking on. Only one of them had tears in his eyes. The others were, of course, learning their first lessons in inflicting pain. They were coldly poking at the dying thing with sticks. I had to shove them away.

The dog died approximately 10 minutes into its struggle. It will be carted onto a garbage tipper tomorrow and disposed of in an unknown dump.

I have felt the death of a man and the death of a dog very near me this week. But the dog’s death seems to have shaken me more than the man’s. In my travels, I have seen many gory deaths on the roads. But twice I have seen a dog beaten to death, and I can recall both to this day to the minutest of details.

A man has many variables to manipulate for his good. But an animal lives with more constraints than a man. It lives on faith and intuition.

To dump a gas cylinder on someone’s head is rank disrespect for life. A rage had built up within me at that time. I felt like puking a long time after I had seen the whole thing happen.

I think our children start throwing stones at dogs for fun, and to tune their aim. Some do family planning operations for lizards and frogs. Some experiment how many wings a dragon-fly can fly with. Some try throwing cats out of windows – cats don’t seem to die so easily from a fall.

How can there be fun in the suffering of another living thing?

Children get trained early on that someone else’s pain is not a thing to fret about, that if the situation permits and if there is the right company, inflicting pain can be fun.

Uthangarai

14th March, 2008

I was in a place called Uthangarai – a remote hamlet in a corner of the Krishnagiri District. It is on the crossroads between what used to be 2 very busy trucking routes in Tamil Nadu.

Over the years, the significance of the place on the state map has gone down. The roads have deteriorated and the locale remains one of the least developed in Tamil Nadu in terms of infrastructure and industry.

Public transport is very bad or is not well connected. So people have to go in for their own means of transportation. This area remains one of the top rural markets for taxis and vans for ferrying people to Vellore, Salem and Chennai – 3 places where the many business interests of the people here lie.

I had stopped in Uthangarai to meet a customer of ours. I was leaving to Chennai and I had run out of cigarettes. I stopped by at a small shop and asked for a pack of Gold Flake Kings cigarettes.

I handed out a Rs. 100 bill and the shop keeper didn’t have stock, so he walked over to another shop and got it for me. The pack costs Rs. 38 normally. In villages you get it for Rs. 40. But this guy gave me change of Rs. 55 – meaning the pack had cost me Rs. 45.

He gave me a statement before he handed me the change – “Sir, the amount of money you spend on this pack of cigarettes can buy 20 kg of rice from a government fair price shop”.

My casual reply was, “Nothing can be done about that”

Then I asked him, “Why does this pack of cigarettes cost Rs. 5 more?”

He says, “That is the rate the other fellow gave it to me for”

I reply, “If you don’t have the stuff in your shop, how can you buy it for me at a cost higher than the normal cost?”

He says, “OK sir, since you are so concerned about the money, I will return the material and give you back your money”

He returned the money and I asked him, “Why do you think this Rs. 5 is not so important to me? Do you think people make money without working or do I look like a fool?”

He mumbles something and just goes away.

As I was driving back I was wondering – it was a new thought to me that one pack of my cigarettes is worth more than 20 kg of food grain in our country. Is it that the food is cheap or is it that the tobacco is costly?

A man who buys rice from a ration shop buys it at Rs. 2 per kg. I am not eligible for this scheme because I make than Rs. 10000 per annum. I have to buy rice at Rs. 22 per kg from a normal grocer. I bet the guy who tried to make Rs. 5 from me did not know this.