I have loved three women till now and in love with the fourth, my fiancé.

I have loved three women till now and in love with the fourth, my fiancé. I still love the other three, and there are times when my heart lingers around them, fond memories and sweet fragrances. I have never hated them, I don’t want bad things to happen to them, and I want them to be happy.

There are instances when life feels like a compromise, when I have given up a relationship for my own and the other’s good, and I still feel like a loser. Tonight I got the invitation for my first love’s marriage. It feels strange, I still want to call her up and ask her to be with me, after 3 long years have passed. Be my woman and be no one else’s. I am feeling sad.

I don’t know if I am being unfaithful to my fiancé. It’s much more complicated than that I believe. I have never figured out this part of me. It gets me mad to try to figure it out.

“Good people also get bad thoughts, but only bad people actually commit bad actions. Good people and bad people are differentiated by actions and not by thoughts. My mind has the propensity to deliberate in every angle that any person would conspire to act. I am better in my ability to ponder, and yet do what in my right mind is the right thing to do.” I read this somewhere and I bought it.

I think I am doing the right things in life by deciding to be married to a simple girl. I have agreed to be an ox, lugging the load of a family through life. I can’t have a better life.

Sogathai maraithen uyir vali poruthen…..
Suyathai ethuvo suttathadi vandhen……