Happy Birthday!

Yet another year is over for me, and yet another is starting, my 27th. Life has moved along since last year this day.

1. I am in Chennai now
2. I am in a new company
3. I am engaged
4. I will be getting married this year
5. I am being paid 40% more than last year
6. I am carrying less emotional baggage than the past 3-4 years

While the downsides have been a steadiness in emotions, style and habits to the point of complete lack of inspiration, the consolations have been consistency and resolve.

I have witnessed a complete change in myself in relationships and my decisions to keep them where they are meant to be. I think more from the mind and less from the heart. There are a lot of actionable and fanciful impulses that never find expression now. I am more like a mute spectator to my passions than writhing in their futileness and exalting at their power. I am suffering less from life than the past 3-4 years. I am living more in the real world than ever before. There are moments when all this lack of impulsiveness bullies me into a quiet spell. But I come back sooner than before.

There have been periods when my personality has been unable to cope with my profession. Now I am an integral part of my profession. I am more ordinary. I am more docile to emotions. I am able to hold back my impulses. I am smarter now than the tottering idealistic bravado. I am more with the ways of the world.

All these years have been, the past 3-4, a learning experience with adulthood. Now my sights are set toward making money, being successful in my career. To a point entering into marriage has been a major catalyst in this change. I am now thinking of TV cabinets, refrigerators and the necessity of a microwave at home than poetry. I want to buy a car in 2 years, when I will have a kid. I need to have a house by that time. My salary would have to double for that. I need to be selling more trucks today for all that.

Happy Birthday!