How to Name It?

My thoughts flow,
Like a river to the sea,
Towards her.

In bouts of sweet pain
Do I exist the days.
In fleeting glances, and
In enduring pride.
So near yet so far.

In spirals of pale despair
Do I endure the cool evenings.
Under the Orion, and in
The silence of my soul.
Hope seems less possible.

In my books and music
Are my nights spent.
Seeking that flash of
Passion. Ever so intense.
So far yet so near.

The thoughts butt the walls
Of my mind, like a torrent
Trying to break the dam
Of my silence, my sanity.
Ever trying to make me
The callous monster.

To cry out in pain,
Unfeeling in my impulse
To let her know
How I feel then.
How to name it?
How to name it?