Falsificationist

I visited college today in Trichy.

I was perspiring in the air-conditioned car, my heart was skipping the occasional beat when nearing the campus. The college was closed for summer holidays, and I parked the car and lit a cigarette.

The college hostel now sports a gate, with security, non existent during our times 5 years ago.

The end of the cigarette brought back memories, and I had a lump in my throat, remembering the evening walks, my own kitchen-bedroom, my best friend, the rendezvous with the love of my life, the poetry and the music.

Its surprising how things change. The priorities, the convictions and the inspirations. I have become more isolated after college. Isolation for a man like me is heavenly, Escapist and Falsificationist that I am. The latter I have become after college, with proving things wrong and hypocrisy, especially people and ideals.

Falsificationist is a term I accidentally encountered while I was reading Fooled by Ramdomness by Nissim Nicholas Taleb. I don’t remember in what context he had used the term, but in an instant I realized that it meant me. The futilities of my emotions and the paramount importance my own emotions assume for myself have made this effect.

The same term comes up in my definition when I analyze politics, social issues, cricket and everything. It dawned upon me that I was not only what I thought I was, but also a Falsificationist, whether it is a part of the whole, or this is the whole, I don’t know.

I have gotten over the love of my life, my eternal passion for Her by escaping, and not by resolve. Stealth modes, hiding away Her pictures and selective deletion from friend lists have done the trick.

I have stopped writing to escape from my emotions, and what I feel about things. In the process, I have been wiling away time with books, work and alcohol.

I still manage to dodge responsibility, when it is not for my own good, or for my wife and daughter. I have managed to hide the cells that contain the people I would have otherwise cared for.